For a big part of my life, I didn't feel safe in my body. Since I was a little girl, I always felt I had to be careful with the way I was expressing myself. I would love to dance and sing in front of an audience although I would always be shamed for doing it.
There were so many things a girl was not supposed to do or say. I am sure there are many women out there who share the same awareness. Awareness is so important to heal and become your true authentic self. Sadly, we can spend a lifetime believing and acting like the person our environment expects us to be .... and eventually forget who we are because it doesn't feel safe to express it.
At the age of 13, I suffered a sexual abuse that marked a before and after in my life. The result of this trauma was an enmeshment of thoughts and emotions that I was unable to process at this young age... so I forced myself to forget. My abuse was not echoed, talked or acknowledged as it was too much for my family to handle. It brought so much sadness into my closest family that for them " just imagine it was a dream" was their way to help me put that horrible event behind. However, that energetic emotional charge always stayed inside me.
As I grew older, I learned to hide my feelings and repress my anger by becoming a people's pleaser; always searching for acceptance and validation. In my adolescence and way through into my adulthood, I suffered anorexia and bulimia, which I always hid and never talked about as it was adding more shame and guilt into my existence.
October 2018 was a pivotal moment in my life. I was already in my forties, happily married with 3 kids and living in disconnection with myself. I started to feel some type of dissociation; I would hear noises and felt like if my house was haunted. At that time, I wasn't aware of what was happening to me. I was fully dissociated from my body, I was just running away from my own demons. It is then when my spiritual awakening started. After seeing a reiki crystal healer, a pandora box wide opened and I started to deeply feel all the emotions repressed since my abuse. I felt in my body intense and overwhelming feelings of sadness, disgust, abandonment, terror, shame and guilt. The intensity was so strong that I would suffer episodes of depersonalization.
If you are still reading this story, you may think this was probably a very difficult moment in my life. Actually, it wasn't. I am not a victim of my past but a heroine of my own story. When the body feels safe to feel, it literally feels everything. My emotions would range from absolute disgust that would make me even vomit to peaceful feelings of infinite and unconditional love. I have no words to fully express it.
Every night I would feel an energy traveling through my body that felt deeply healing and loving. It felt as if I was connecting to a devine energy that was part of me. That was actually the first time I felt the energy source I deeply believe in; a healing energy that is awakening parts of me that I didn't even know existed, and that keeps on bringing me a deep sense of hope and safety.
Since then, I have been in a quest to understand the connection between the mind and the body. I became a holistic coach and a certified clinical hypnotherapist. I got fascinated by the mind and how trauma affect our bodies. I understood the power of allowing ourselves to deeply feel in order to heal and become human. Allowing our emotions to come out is our natural way of regulating our nervous system. By ignoring or burying our emotions, we are only creating toxicity and potencial illnesses in our body. I started to experiment with energy and the body by immersing myself in Tai chi, Qigong and Kung Fu. Internal martial arts and Daodism were helping me understand the connection between the mind and the body.
Clinical Hypnotherapy helped me dig even deeper into my own wounds as my clients would mirror me. My honest non judgmental way of listening to clients allow me to connect almost instantly with their inner children acceleration the process of emotional healing. I really believe in my ability to be present and allow their feelings to manifest in their bodies while they feel absolutely safe with me. I feel blessed and happy to be able to help people.
